And the answer is ...

Enthusiasm. You have to be enthused about something to have the drive. Something you hold dear enough not to give up even if the powers that be frown on you for it and that's putting it mildly. If something connects, go for it. It may not be the wisest choice nor the most respectable by the standards of the straight and narrow. But eventually you will experience building up expertise, making connections in your field of interest, playing in a team, learning the values that are relevant to you and most importantly do what matters to you rather than others. (The latter has the notorious tendency of leaving you with a certain inner emptiness anyway.) So here I am, meditating over a mild tangle of word games and associations marveling at how far back my first entries date to, knowing now that my current motivation was out there already and yet, back then I wouldn't have been ready. Nothing left for it than to say "better late than never."
...
There's one more thing: I'm not done living yet.